Drunk Girls Ogle Dead Presidents
Valentine’s Day and Presidents’ Day both occur in February. Coincidence? I think not.
Thanks to the presidential flashcards my parents gave me for Christmas, my friends and I got liquored up and settled in for a decisive game of “Am I Hot or Not?: The Presidents.”
We began the game by lining up all of the flashcards on a table and immediately removing the competitors who were downright heinous.
Reagan was removed because he was old, as was Benjamin Harrison, who had made the preliminary round for being hot in that grandfather kind of way.
FDR was hot but eliminated because polio is not hot at all.
it became clear that a dark-horse contender with big eyes and flawless skin, Franklin Pierce, was a clear challenge to JFK’s hitherto uncontested throne.
The contest left me with a deep resolve to always vote hot. Presidents may lie, cheat, and invade Iraq, but beauty is truth. Just ask Franklin Pierce.
clipped from: www.columbia.edu