Her Majesty the Queen has been forced to admit that she employs over seventy of her family members using public money.

The news first broke last week when the Queen was criticised for claiming £14m to pay her son Charles.

Apart from a brief spell in the forces, it appears that Charles has in fact been unemployed for the last thirty years with little evidence of any attempt to gain new skills or undertake training.

Yet the Queen has consistently kept him on the payroll, first as an ‘heir to the throne’ and then later as a ‘Prince of Wales’.

It has since come out that the Queen employs many more family members from the public purse including her husband, a Greek immigrant called Philip.

Inspector Ralph Downing, admitted the investigation was proving difficult

‘The family has covered its tracks well,’ he revealed. ‘People who, at first sight, appear not to be related to the Queen later turn out to be cousins or spouses’, he said, ‘Or in many cases, both.’