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Dear Red States,

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you don't own a map, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New

California.

To sum up briefly:

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get

a bunch of happy families. You get a whole lot of teenage pregnancies, single moms, deadbeat dads, and no one to blame but yourselves for pushing that travesty called "Abstinence Only Education".

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.