SCENE: THE OVAL OFFICE 

CHENEY: I think I can sum up the Iraq War for you with one word: NOTHING.

BUSH: Nothing?

CHENEY: (Smiling) Nothing.

BUSH: What does that mean?

CHENEY: The war is about nothing.

COLIN POWELL: (To Cheney) Well, it’s not about nothing.

CHENEY: (To Colin) No, it’s about nothing.

POWELL: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something.

CONDOLEEZZA: What’s the war’s premise?

POWELL: Well, I would go to the U.N., and make a presentation about mobile biological labs and we would pretend there are threats of mushroom clouds, yellow cake and apocalypse. 

CHENEY: Yeah, but nothing happens to trigger the war. You see, it’s just like life. You know, you eat, you go shopping, you read. You eat, you read, you invade Iraq.

BUSH: You read? You read about Iraq?

CHENEY: Well, forget the reading; we don’t want to learn about 1300 years of Sunni-Shia fighting.

BUSH: All right, tell me, tell me about the rationale for war. What kind of rationale?

CHENEY: Oh, no. No rationale.

BUSH: No rationale? So, what is it?

CHENEY: What’d you do today?

BUSH: I got up and worked out.

CHENEY: There’s a rationale. That’s a rationale for war.

BUSH: (Confused) How is that a rationale?

POWELL: Well, uh, maybe something happens on the way to your workout, like you find out Saddam has weapons of mass destruction, or his aides met with Mohammed Atta in Prague.

CHENEY: No, no, no. Nothing happens.

POWELL: Well, something happens.

BUSH: Well, why am I starting a war?

ROVE: Because it’ll be on TV, and help your re-election.

BUSH: By the way, where the hell is Rummy?

POWELL: I don’t know, but it seems the raisins are missing … along with a coupla’ hundred thousand troops.