I learned a valuable life leason tonight: never eat 50% discounted sushi.

I knew I had to find a steady boyfriend when the cat ate my birth control pill.

As I looked across the table at my husband and his new boyfriend, I found myself oddly happy for them.

I soon discovered that thinking, "Don't puke, don't puke" does not prevent one from puking in the middle of a final exam in front of 400 people.

There isn't much greater evidence that you've had a fun night than waking up under a pool table with a picture of a horse and a stapler.

She was more upset when I told her I was a vegetarian than when I told her I was a lesbian.

As my knife found his flesh, I never would have guessed that my would be rapist would later sue me for his medical bills.

It took a stalker to realize that maybe I shouldn't be naked on the internet anymore.

I said, "Take it slow," and she said, "Take it or go," so I went.

Somehow, I think she would have preferred I said "lesbian" rather than "Wiccan."