And that big fat Monster under my sitting-pillow is called "FEAR OF LETTING GO":

- Fear of running into all sorts of emotions that I have been neatly piling up in a corner of my mind and that might somehow bubble upwards during zazen.

- Fear of letting go that high energy that keeps me going for more.

- Fear that I will become satisfied with just being relaxed and at ease with the life I am living right now (While I am absolutely not satisfied with some parts of my life and feel I need to do something about it... but I haven't figured what exactly).

Now I heard a "wise" man say to someone: "if you want to stop, just stop!" So there you have it. I am going cold turkey! No more fear, no more stress, no more jumpy bouncy thoughts!

...I am exaggerating here a bit, of course. You cant stop thinking. But I can start sitting. And so I will restart my zazen; every day at least once. And take it from there...