That's right -- God himself

God -- and I'm talking about the wrathful, Old Testament Lord, not Jesus or the Holy Ghost - is the perfect Republican candidate

First of all, his Q rating is off the charts. Everybody knows God. So Rove and the Gang don't have to spend any time making him known to the American people

Second, according to every poll, God has an approval rating of probably 80 percent

Third, there is no better candidate to carry the Republican's fear-based message than the omnipotent power who threatens fire and brimstone whenever mortals displease him

Fourth, God backs up his threats with action -- mostly smiting. He turns women into pillars of salt, and rains down plagues Al Gore can't imagine in his worst nightmares

If he's this tough on his base, think of the ass-whupping he'll give the Dems

you know he's pro-Israel

Fifth, he comes with his own built-in, ideologically counter-balancing running mate -- Jesus

A tough-talking hawk for the men, a sensitive martyr for the women