There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade this but not my charizard.

I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX.

People say that if you play Microsoft CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it's twice as big as it needs to be.