10. "Christian fish" logos must be certified by the EPA as dolphin-safe

9. Key lyric of Martin Greenbaum's hippie-Christian anthem, Spirit in the Sky, changed from "I've got a friend named Jesus" to less-divisive "I've got a friend named Walter"

6. The requirement that an actual belief in Christ is required to be a Christian ruled discriminatory; churches must offer alternative methods of qualification, such as "celebrating the magical joy of a baby's smile" or "just sitting in the park, thinking about Nature and shit"

2. New Testament rewritten to delete references to Caiaphas and other Jewish priests; henceforth, Christ is accused of blasphemy by Hans Gruber and the German mercenaries from Die Hard