I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.

What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?

[answering the phone] Ahoy hoy?

Nonsense! Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?

Smithers: If you did it, sir?

Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hungover drones.