I can only assume that if America's downward slide continues, people like me who have no discernible marketable skills, who are paid to sit on our asses and type for a living, will eventually be forced to get real jobs, digging holes or tarring rooftops or picking apples or the like. My father was a professor of economics, so I know exactly how the demand for opinionated blowhards like myself dries up, replaced by a demand for janitorial staff and house painters.

Will that be the end of the world? Probably not. But I'd better start saving regardless, and so should you. America's not on top anymore, because we've been exporting nothing but lukewarm fajita platters and spray-tanned celebrity jackasses for decades now. The days of closet-reorganizing professionals and Botox parties and hiring a personal trainer for your nanny's personal chef are over ... and thank God for that.