No joke. These birds were ranked in 2004 by the Guiness Book of World Records as one of the most deadly birds in planet, especially to zookeepers. They get to be upwards of six feet tall and can disembowel a human with a single kick, bringing their 5 inch talons to bear.

Don't believe me? Here's one in action.

To avoid cassowary attacks, steer clear of Australia, New Zealand, and zoos keeping them. If you do encounter a cassowary, don't provoke it (especially by telling them that their horn looks like a rotten toe nail--they hate that). If in the end you still find yourself being charged by a cassowary, make sure you carry around a large metal shield with you. And have 911 on speed dial.