CRISTIANO Ronaldo celebrated his record-breaking £80m move to Real Madrid last night by joining the early morning queue outside Paris Hilton's private parts.

As dawn broke over Los Angeles, Ronaldo was spotted moving from the hosing area to the mounting zone

The former Manchester United winger was seen flirting with the hotel heiress in an LA nightclub as the two laughed about what it's like to be an empty shell of a human being with no concept of the value of anything.

Martin Bishop, a leading Hiltonologist, said: "It's a very special moment in a young man's life when he becomes famous enough to join the queue for Paris Hilton's vagina.

"I'm pleased to see he got there at 3am - nice and early. At that time of day he would only have had to queue for about an hour and a half.

"The waiting isn't too bad. They have snacks and magazines and there's usually a couple of buskers and a clown who does magic."