If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don't even get paid for the stuff they do?
Submitted by Russell C.

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."
Submitted by Russell C.

I wish God were alive to see this.
Submitted by Amy S.

If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?
Submitted by Deb A.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

A woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good and you'd step over your own mother just to get one.

I never apologize, I'm sorry but that's the way I am.
Submitted by Mario

Internet. They have that on computers now?

Assaulting your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by while you feed a hungry dog.
Submitted by Rachel